OK. Quitting smoking is very hard. It is not fun. I find myself often forgetting the reasons why I am quitting because all I can think about are the things I love about smoking. I have put on a good face through most of this and most people I see think I am doing really great. I have always been a happy, content, friendly, easy-going person. Since the smoking cessation has started, in the privacy of my home, a monster lurks. She is mean, demanding and kind of a bitch. This monster is me. My husband has greatly suffered for the sake of the cause and I am compelled to acknowledge his strength and patience through this ordeal.
This makes me seem pretty nice, doesn't it? Please don't think that this is out of the goodness of my heart. This homage was inspired by the man to whom it is dedicated. Without his little reminder, I would not have thought to do this. The other night as we were driving in the car, Marty turned to me (after I snapped at him) and said very quietly, so that it was almost a whisper, "Maybe you should smoke. I miss my MC." This is what made me realize that I have to let the world know about him and his fortitude, so that we can all give him some credit.
The following is a list of my sins (It is not complete. Sadly, I know there are many that I am forgetting.):
We are all aware of the gravy ordeal, so I will not rehash that one. Ooof. In my defense, I normally don't take kitchen mishaps well.
For all of the curse words said to Marty in the last two weeks, I offer my apologies to him. Sorry Marty!
For all of the times I have bitten his head off (I'm surprised he has any head left), I am truly sorry.
There is an issue with Comcast and our internet has been anything but reliable lately. I sat down to make our football pool picks and the internet would not work. This was not my husband's fault. I should not have yelled at him for this.
On the same day, Marty wanted to see how we were doing in our fantasy football league, so we stopped at my parents' house to use their computer. At the time, I felt that it was Marty's fault that my team lost and he got a "thanks for making me stop" and some other abuse. Sorry. My team lost. You did not make them, Marty. I know this.
I know it is not Marty's fault that my pants were too tight. I am sorry that I took out my frustration on you.
Alcohol and cigarettes are a great pair. Like peanut butter and jelly, chocolate and peanut butter, Posh and Becks, one is good without the other, but together they are perfection. After a night of drinking, I really really really wanted a cigarette. I told Marty to stop at Wawa because I was willing to beg a stranger for one blessed cigarette. My husband forgot to stop. I did not remind him 1 because I don't think I really wanted to smoke and 2 because in my beer addled mind I thought that he should have remembered every slurred word that came out of my mouth that evening. So as a punishment, I would not let him have Tylenol for his headache. He asked me for it and I said no and then I hid the Tylenol. Shameful. Honey, my apologies. And the to the rest of you: Yes. I really did that.
We went to dinner with friends on Saturday night and we arrived first. The table had two seats on each side. Marty sat opposite me, not next to me. Instead of being nice, I said "What the F***. Did you want to sit next to another dude or another man's wife!? I know I would rather sit next to my OWN f**king husband!" I could have politely asked him to sit next to me, gently pointed out the seating arrangement or just stood up and sat next to him. In fact, he probably did prefer to sit next to someone else's wife. I way overreacted. Sorry, Marty.
There was an instance where he gave me attitude for all of the attitude that I was giving him. I then made him feel very very guilty since this quitting smoking business is so hard. That was unfair to you. Sorry.
For anything else that I did. Really, I apologize. I am not proud. You are super.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Inspired
I am thinking that maybe I should look into a new line of work. One where I work overnight or in the PM hours. At night, I tend to be inspired, creative and very very motivated. Most house cleaning, bill paying, online shopping, grocery shopping... ok pretty much everything is done at night in my house because that is the only time I feel like doing it. The best are my night lists though. After feeling accomplished about the dinner dishes being done and put away, I like to come up with mental lists of things that I will do the following day. For example, I came up with this list to do last night:
Wake up by 6:30am
Have a nice breakfast sitting at the kitchen table, reading newspaper
Clean breakfast bowl
Pack a delicious lunch. Hell, make a healthy lunch for husband while I'm at it.
Fold towels that are sitting in the dryer
Have a nice leisurely drive to Dunkin' Donuts
Proceed to work where I arrive early, smiling and tackle the work I did not complete yesterday and get a head start on today's work.
The reality went more like this:
Alarm went off at 6:30 am
Husband nudged me, I hit the snooze button
Alarm went off at 6:35
Husband shoved me and I hit snooze
Alarm went off at 6:40
Husband cursed loudly
I reset alarm for 7:45 am
Alarm went off at 7:45 am
I turned alarm off and thought to myself "5 more minutes"
At 8:05 I sprung up from bed panicked
Ran to bathroom, washed face, brushed teeth and threw on whatever
Shoved a Lean Cuisine in plastic bag and ran for the door
Threw newspaper that landed in garden and made mental note "call husband from car to fish newspaper out of front garden"
Got in car and realized "Shit. Don't have cell phone, cannot call husband from car."
Ran to the garden, retrieved newspaper, opened front door, dropped newspaper and grabbed cell phone.
Sprinted back to car, cursed traffic and people impeding my way to Dunkin' Donuts
Hit the DD, peeled out of parking lot to get to work (I know I know. Running late, but you didn't think I would skip the stop for my precious DD coffee, did you??)
Speedwalked through door at 9:10 am, 10 minutes late
Looked down and realized that my shirt was on inside out
Went to ladies room to adjust clothing
Returned to desk to turn on computer and curse at 25 emails waiting for me.
Sighed contentedly that none of them were about being late.
On the weekends, my PM lists are great. They usually involve cleaning the house (haha), making breakfast (hehe), prepping meals for the following week (yeah right) and going to the gym (BWAHAHAHAHAHA). When normally on the weekends, I tend to sleep 'til the late AM with husband, move to the couch to snuggle with said husband and watch a movie or read a book. Sometimes I'm even inspired enough to come up with some food for husband to run out and get for us. So really, I think I would be more productive and more successful if I just found something that made use of my nighttime awesomeness.
Wake up by 6:30am
Have a nice breakfast sitting at the kitchen table, reading newspaper
Clean breakfast bowl
Pack a delicious lunch. Hell, make a healthy lunch for husband while I'm at it.
Fold towels that are sitting in the dryer
Have a nice leisurely drive to Dunkin' Donuts
Proceed to work where I arrive early, smiling and tackle the work I did not complete yesterday and get a head start on today's work.
The reality went more like this:
Alarm went off at 6:30 am
Husband nudged me, I hit the snooze button
Alarm went off at 6:35
Husband shoved me and I hit snooze
Alarm went off at 6:40
Husband cursed loudly
I reset alarm for 7:45 am
Alarm went off at 7:45 am
I turned alarm off and thought to myself "5 more minutes"
At 8:05 I sprung up from bed panicked
Ran to bathroom, washed face, brushed teeth and threw on whatever
Shoved a Lean Cuisine in plastic bag and ran for the door
Threw newspaper that landed in garden and made mental note "call husband from car to fish newspaper out of front garden"
Got in car and realized "Shit. Don't have cell phone, cannot call husband from car."
Ran to the garden, retrieved newspaper, opened front door, dropped newspaper and grabbed cell phone.
Sprinted back to car, cursed traffic and people impeding my way to Dunkin' Donuts
Hit the DD, peeled out of parking lot to get to work (I know I know. Running late, but you didn't think I would skip the stop for my precious DD coffee, did you??)
Speedwalked through door at 9:10 am, 10 minutes late
Looked down and realized that my shirt was on inside out
Went to ladies room to adjust clothing
Returned to desk to turn on computer and curse at 25 emails waiting for me.
Sighed contentedly that none of them were about being late.
On the weekends, my PM lists are great. They usually involve cleaning the house (haha), making breakfast (hehe), prepping meals for the following week (yeah right) and going to the gym (BWAHAHAHAHAHA). When normally on the weekends, I tend to sleep 'til the late AM with husband, move to the couch to snuggle with said husband and watch a movie or read a book. Sometimes I'm even inspired enough to come up with some food for husband to run out and get for us. So really, I think I would be more productive and more successful if I just found something that made use of my nighttime awesomeness.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Cheating
So I had my first phone interview with my smoking cessation counselor. I am participating in a study at the University of Pennsylvania. They contact me by phone to check on my progress. So here is how my one week checkup went:
Counselor: Hello. How is everything going?
Me: Good. So far so good.
Me: Good. So far so good.
Counselor: Have you had any adverse reaction to the patch?
Me: Um. No.
Counselor: No headaches? Nausea? Sleeplessness? Nervousness? Jitters? Exhaustion? Nightmares?
She then followed this up with several more symptoms that I would never want to suffer from. Some were embarrassing and I cannot bring myself to type them. Let's just say they involve bodily functions that I consider unmentionable.
Me: Um. No.
I'm glad they didn't go over any of these side effects prior to me putting the patch on. I'm sure then I would have suffered from them all. Phew.
Counselor: So how many cigarettes have you had in the last week?
Me: None.
Me: None.
Pause.
Counselor: I'm sorry?
Me: None. No cigarettes.
Double pause.
Me: None. No cigarettes.
Double pause.
Counselor: None?
Me: That is correct.
Counselor: Wow.
Me: Wow?
Counselor: I mean wow. That's great. Pretty unusual, but great.
OK. Now I looked it up because I thought maybe I was confused. I headed over to www.dictionary.com and plugged in "quit". Ironically, the very first things that pop up are two links. The first is to KickYourCraving.com that says "You Won't Quit Smoking". How did they know I was trying? Bastards. You don't know me. Don't tell me what I can and cannot do. The second link was to When-Will-You-Die.com. They wanted to let me know that I will die if I do not "quit" smoking. Ummm. Gee. Thanks for the unsolicited advice. I never believed the Surgeon General, but you have convinced me. Leave me alone. I was just looking for a definition.
Anyway. Dictionary.com has twelve definitions of the word "quit". The first is "to stop, cease, or discontinue." I would take that to mean "I quit smoking, ergo, I do not smoke cigarettes any longer."
The second definition is "to depart from; leave". Possibly as in "I quit my sanity since I quit smoking." I kind of combined the first two definitions in one sentence. Sweet. I am so multi-talented.
The third definition is "to give up or resign; let go; relinquish." Soooo "I quit my status as a smoker since I no longer smoke cigarettes."
There are nine more listed. I went through those too, but nothing led me to think that "quit" meant "smoke". It would not make sense to say that "I quit smoking, so I had a cigarette on Tuesday and two on Thursday." Why oh why was my cessation counselor so surprised that I had not smoked? Am I quitting incorrectly? Am I doing it wrong? Why did you tell me to quit and then expect me to smoke? I wanna I wanna I wanna smoke. But I QUIT. I found this to be very frustrating and frustration really brings on the cravings. So...next time, please do not sound so surprised when I say "none". Thankyouverymuch.
Anyway. Dictionary.com has twelve definitions of the word "quit". The first is "to stop, cease, or discontinue." I would take that to mean "I quit smoking, ergo, I do not smoke cigarettes any longer."
The second definition is "to depart from; leave". Possibly as in "I quit my sanity since I quit smoking." I kind of combined the first two definitions in one sentence. Sweet. I am so multi-talented.
The third definition is "to give up or resign; let go; relinquish." Soooo "I quit my status as a smoker since I no longer smoke cigarettes."
There are nine more listed. I went through those too, but nothing led me to think that "quit" meant "smoke". It would not make sense to say that "I quit smoking, so I had a cigarette on Tuesday and two on Thursday." Why oh why was my cessation counselor so surprised that I had not smoked? Am I quitting incorrectly? Am I doing it wrong? Why did you tell me to quit and then expect me to smoke? I wanna I wanna I wanna smoke. But I QUIT. I found this to be very frustrating and frustration really brings on the cravings. So...next time, please do not sound so surprised when I say "none". Thankyouverymuch.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Answers to Yesterday's Quiz
I have already posted the answers to yesterday's quiz. If you are a slacker and have not taken the quiz yet, I invite you to do so. The answers are posted though, so don't look if you don't want to see the answers. If you would want to take the quiz, you may do so here: http://mcdoherty.blogspot.com/2007/10/ive-decided-it-is-trivia-thursday.html
Or you can squint and scroll down to yesterday's post to take the quiz. Or you can go to yesterday's post by clicking "I've decided it's Trivia Thursday" in the old post section on the bottom right. I am so accommodating, aren't I?
If you are impatient and just want to see the answers please scroll down:
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ANSWERS:
“Better Off Dead”: What country was the Smith’s foreign exchange student from?
D. France
“Can’t Buy Me Love”: What did Cindy spill on her outfit at the party?
C. Red wine
“Uncle Buck”: What did Uncle Buck use to flip over the pancakes?
B. Shovel
“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”: What did it say on the Ferrari’s license plate?
A. NRVOUS
“Better Off Dead”: What does the paperboy want from Lane?
C. Two dollars
“Can’t Buy Me Love”: Ronald Miller did the African Elephant Ritual at the dance.
B. False
He did the African Anteater Ritual
“Dirty Dancing”: What is Baby’s real first name?
C. Frances
Nobody puts Baby in the corner.
“Rain Man”: How many toothpicks did the waitress drop on the floor in the restaurant?
B. 246
There were four left in the box of 250.
“Beverly Hills Cop”: Axel Foley is originally a policeman from what city?
D. Detroit
“Back to the Future”: What was the title of George’s first published book?
B. A Match Made in Space
Who’s the moosiest moose we know?
A. Marty Moose
M is for Merry. We're merry you see, O by gosh O golly oh gee. S is for super fun family glee. E is for everything we want to be...
“The Little Mermaid”: What were the names of the two eels:
D. Flotsam & Jetsam
“Road House”: What is the name of the town tyrant?
C. Brad Wesley
“Sixteen Candles”: What was the name of Sam’s older sister, who got married in the movie?
A. Ginny
Mike was her brother. Sara was her younger sister. Carolyn was Jake Ryan's girlfriend.
AND THE WINNER IS (drumroll...):
CHRISTEN with 6/14 questions correct!! OK. You were the only one who answered, but CONGRATULATIONS!!!! And feeling young is always a good thing.
Or you can squint and scroll down to yesterday's post to take the quiz. Or you can go to yesterday's post by clicking "I've decided it's Trivia Thursday" in the old post section on the bottom right. I am so accommodating, aren't I?
If you are impatient and just want to see the answers please scroll down:
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ANSWERS:
“Better Off Dead”: What country was the Smith’s foreign exchange student from?
D. France
“Can’t Buy Me Love”: What did Cindy spill on her outfit at the party?
C. Red wine
“Uncle Buck”: What did Uncle Buck use to flip over the pancakes?
B. Shovel
“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”: What did it say on the Ferrari’s license plate?
A. NRVOUS
“Better Off Dead”: What does the paperboy want from Lane?
C. Two dollars
“Can’t Buy Me Love”: Ronald Miller did the African Elephant Ritual at the dance.
B. False
He did the African Anteater Ritual
“Dirty Dancing”: What is Baby’s real first name?
C. Frances
Nobody puts Baby in the corner.
“Rain Man”: How many toothpicks did the waitress drop on the floor in the restaurant?
B. 246
There were four left in the box of 250.
“Beverly Hills Cop”: Axel Foley is originally a policeman from what city?
D. Detroit
“Back to the Future”: What was the title of George’s first published book?
B. A Match Made in Space
Who’s the moosiest moose we know?
A. Marty Moose
M is for Merry. We're merry you see, O by gosh O golly oh gee. S is for super fun family glee. E is for everything we want to be...
“The Little Mermaid”: What were the names of the two eels:
D. Flotsam & Jetsam
“Road House”: What is the name of the town tyrant?
C. Brad Wesley
“Sixteen Candles”: What was the name of Sam’s older sister, who got married in the movie?
A. Ginny
Mike was her brother. Sara was her younger sister. Carolyn was Jake Ryan's girlfriend.
AND THE WINNER IS (drumroll...):
CHRISTEN with 6/14 questions correct!! OK. You were the only one who answered, but CONGRATULATIONS!!!! And feeling young is always a good thing.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
I've decided it is Trivia Thursday
Out of boredom and my love for all things trivial, I have declared that Thursdays are now Trivia Thursdays. I will post a new set of trivia questions every Thursday. The rules are simple. Please put your answers in the comments section of the post and I will reveal the answers tomorrow. No Cheating! I trust that all of you will all use the honor system? That means you will not use Google, (or any other internet searches) or mooch off other peoples answers. Cheating is BAD.
This week's topic will be 80's movies because I love them. The questions are pretty easy. I made the decision to do this so late in the day that time did not permit a lot of research. I'll make the next one harder. Fluff up your bangs, comb your mullet and let's go:
“Better Off Dead”: What country was the Smith’s foreign exchange student from?
A. Italy
B. Spain
C. Latvia
D. France
“Can’t Buy Me Love”: What did Cindy spill on her outfit at the party?
A. Soda
B. Salad dressing
C. Red wine
D. Beer
“Uncle Buck”: What did Uncle Buck use to flip over the pancakes?
A. Long piece of wood
B. Shovel
C. A forklift
D. Ten spatulas
“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”: What did it say on the Ferrari’s license plate?
A. NRVOUS
B. MORRIS
C. FERRIS
D. 4FBDO
“Better Off Dead”: What does the paperboy want from Lane?
A. Permission to ask Beth out
B. The car that Beth thought was ‘tasty’
C. Two dollars
D. A tape Lane borrowed, but never gave back
“Can’t Buy Me Love”: Ronald Miller did the African Elephant Ritual at the dance.
A. True
B. False
“Dirty Dancing”: What is Baby’s real first name?
A. Jennifer
B. Susan
C. Frances
D. Barbara
“Rain Man”: How many toothpicks did the waitress drop on the floor in the restaurant?
A. 321
B. 246
C. 123
D. 250
“Beverly Hills Cop”: Axel Foley is originally a policeman from what city?
A. Denver
B. San Francisco
C. Chicago
D. Detroit
“Back to the Future”: What was the title of George’s first published book?
A. Science Fiction Theatre
B. A Match Made in Space
C. A Perfect Match
D. A Dream Love
Who’s the moosiest moose we know?
A. Marty Moose
B. Wally Moose
C. Bullwinkle Moose
D. St. Augustine Moose of Mooseland
“The Little Mermaid”: What were the names of the two eels:
A. Hewey & Dewey
B. Abbot & Costello
C. Chomp & Chew
D. Flotsam & Jetsam
“Road House”: What is the name of the town tyrant?
A. James Dalton
B. Wade Garrett
C. Brad Wesley
D. Red Webster
“Sixteen Candles”: What was the name of Sam’s older sister, who got married in the movie?
A. Ginny
B. Mike
C. Carolyn
D. Sara
This week's topic will be 80's movies because I love them. The questions are pretty easy. I made the decision to do this so late in the day that time did not permit a lot of research. I'll make the next one harder. Fluff up your bangs, comb your mullet and let's go:
“Better Off Dead”: What country was the Smith’s foreign exchange student from?
A. Italy
B. Spain
C. Latvia
D. France
“Can’t Buy Me Love”: What did Cindy spill on her outfit at the party?
A. Soda
B. Salad dressing
C. Red wine
D. Beer
“Uncle Buck”: What did Uncle Buck use to flip over the pancakes?
A. Long piece of wood
B. Shovel
C. A forklift
D. Ten spatulas
“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”: What did it say on the Ferrari’s license plate?
A. NRVOUS
B. MORRIS
C. FERRIS
D. 4FBDO
“Better Off Dead”: What does the paperboy want from Lane?
A. Permission to ask Beth out
B. The car that Beth thought was ‘tasty’
C. Two dollars
D. A tape Lane borrowed, but never gave back
“Can’t Buy Me Love”: Ronald Miller did the African Elephant Ritual at the dance.
A. True
B. False
“Dirty Dancing”: What is Baby’s real first name?
A. Jennifer
B. Susan
C. Frances
D. Barbara
“Rain Man”: How many toothpicks did the waitress drop on the floor in the restaurant?
A. 321
B. 246
C. 123
D. 250
“Beverly Hills Cop”: Axel Foley is originally a policeman from what city?
A. Denver
B. San Francisco
C. Chicago
D. Detroit
“Back to the Future”: What was the title of George’s first published book?
A. Science Fiction Theatre
B. A Match Made in Space
C. A Perfect Match
D. A Dream Love
Who’s the moosiest moose we know?
A. Marty Moose
B. Wally Moose
C. Bullwinkle Moose
D. St. Augustine Moose of Mooseland
“The Little Mermaid”: What were the names of the two eels:
A. Hewey & Dewey
B. Abbot & Costello
C. Chomp & Chew
D. Flotsam & Jetsam
“Road House”: What is the name of the town tyrant?
A. James Dalton
B. Wade Garrett
C. Brad Wesley
D. Red Webster
“Sixteen Candles”: What was the name of Sam’s older sister, who got married in the movie?
A. Ginny
B. Mike
C. Carolyn
D. Sara
Monday, October 1, 2007
Introducing
The newest member of my family:
Michael Patrick! Yesterday was my newest nephew's christening and I figured since he is now without sin, I should welcome him to the world on the internet. He is so good too.
Laughing:
Bein' cute:
Smilin':
Bein' an e-a-g-l-e-s eagles fan:
That's my boy!
Michael Patrick! Yesterday was my newest nephew's christening and I figured since he is now without sin, I should welcome him to the world on the internet. He is so good too.
Laughing:
Bein' cute:
Smilin':
Bein' an e-a-g-l-e-s eagles fan:
That's my boy!
I am a domestic goddess
In an effort to be more domestic, I am trying to cook more. At my bridal shower, I got about eight million tools for the kitchen. About 99% of them are still in their boxes or have tags on them. Waffle maker? Yep need that. KitchenAid Mixer? A must have item that everybody wants. Please don't ask me what you do with it. I don't have a clue. It scares me. In fact, I know what to do with very few of these brand spankin' new items. But I am trying to be a good wife and I am sick of spending a million dollars a month going out to eat and ordering takeout. This is not helping my wallet or my spreading thighs.
Last week, I decided since the Oven Stuffer Roasters were on sale at the ShopRite, that I would cook a whole chicken on Thursday. I have never done this before. Funnily enough, I used my Mom and Dad's rotisserie, which is the one kitchen gadget I did not get.
Doesn't it look glorious?
I gotta tell you that the Rotisserie is pretty freakin' cool. You literally put the sticks through the chicken, stick it in the Rotisserie and walk away. Or sit there and stare at it in wild-eyed wonder, like I did. It didn't go off without a hitch though. The inside of a chicken is hollow. You're supposed to put the spear thingies through the middle of the meat and distribute the weight evenly. Then you have to tie the legs and the wings down. This was my first time tying anything around my food and it was interesting. Oh and dancing chicken chased Marty around the kitchen for a while. That was fun. But how was I to put the spears through the middle of the bird when the middle is hollow and open on both ends? I finally improvised and went in high on one end and low on the other end. Everything started out fine and then, something broke and the chicken kept flapping it's wings at every 360 degree turn in the rotisserie. Thump, pause, pause, thump, pause, pause, thump... This caused my husband to throw his hands up in disgust and declare that we ruined dinner and we are hopeless messes. Yeah. He doesn't like when things don't go perfectly. So I then had to don these giant rubber gloves, pause the rotation and hold the chicken while Marty tied more string around it and we both had to make every attempt not to get any third degree burns. After a little cursing, SUCCESS. You can see the silly amount of string we have on the chicken though... Hey, whatever works, right?
Just an hour and a half later we had delicious chicken, some Stove Top, instant mashed potatoes (I thought the chicken was too hard to attempt homemade stuff. baby steps.) and asparagus. There was no gravy due to what we now call in my house "the gravy incident". I tried. I really did, but it ended up just tasting like flour. Advice to all people with loved ones who recently quit smoking: when the gravy doesn't work, don't mention the word gravy for days. I was frantically trying to fix the floury mess that was the gravy. More water. Stir. More chicken seasoning. Stir. Repeat. Repeat. Get a bigger pot since there is now a gallon of gravy. More water. Stir. More salt and pepper. Stir. More chicken flavoring. Stir. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT. Why? Why wont' you work, f-ing gravy?!?! My mom walks up and says "Oh. what happened to the gravy?" Go away, you old hag. My dad says "Hmmm. The gravy doesn't look right. Maybe Mommy can help?" I don't see you cooking anything, ya jerk. Then Marty says something to the effect that the gravy looks like cream of broccoli soup. I practically broke down at this point. I gave Marty the evil eye and cursed him out (quietly of course since my elders were in the room). He then tried to apologize and got some "Don't touch me. Don't look at me. Don't say a word. I hate you." And then the whole group got "If you want gravy, there is a jar in the pantry. Heat it up yourselves." Smarties that they are, they did not mention the gravy again. I almost stomped out of the kitchen and refused to eat, but came to my sense and remained semi-civil for the rest of the meal. Overall it was a wild success and I am feeling very proud and wifely.
And to top myself, I made chicken noodle soup with the bone and everything on Friday. I am quite the multitasker and clearly, I am a domestic goddess.
Last week, I decided since the Oven Stuffer Roasters were on sale at the ShopRite, that I would cook a whole chicken on Thursday. I have never done this before. Funnily enough, I used my Mom and Dad's rotisserie, which is the one kitchen gadget I did not get.
Doesn't it look glorious?
I gotta tell you that the Rotisserie is pretty freakin' cool. You literally put the sticks through the chicken, stick it in the Rotisserie and walk away. Or sit there and stare at it in wild-eyed wonder, like I did. It didn't go off without a hitch though. The inside of a chicken is hollow. You're supposed to put the spear thingies through the middle of the meat and distribute the weight evenly. Then you have to tie the legs and the wings down. This was my first time tying anything around my food and it was interesting. Oh and dancing chicken chased Marty around the kitchen for a while. That was fun. But how was I to put the spears through the middle of the bird when the middle is hollow and open on both ends? I finally improvised and went in high on one end and low on the other end. Everything started out fine and then, something broke and the chicken kept flapping it's wings at every 360 degree turn in the rotisserie. Thump, pause, pause, thump, pause, pause, thump... This caused my husband to throw his hands up in disgust and declare that we ruined dinner and we are hopeless messes. Yeah. He doesn't like when things don't go perfectly. So I then had to don these giant rubber gloves, pause the rotation and hold the chicken while Marty tied more string around it and we both had to make every attempt not to get any third degree burns. After a little cursing, SUCCESS. You can see the silly amount of string we have on the chicken though... Hey, whatever works, right?
Just an hour and a half later we had delicious chicken, some Stove Top, instant mashed potatoes (I thought the chicken was too hard to attempt homemade stuff. baby steps.) and asparagus. There was no gravy due to what we now call in my house "the gravy incident". I tried. I really did, but it ended up just tasting like flour. Advice to all people with loved ones who recently quit smoking: when the gravy doesn't work, don't mention the word gravy for days. I was frantically trying to fix the floury mess that was the gravy. More water. Stir. More chicken seasoning. Stir. Repeat. Repeat. Get a bigger pot since there is now a gallon of gravy. More water. Stir. More salt and pepper. Stir. More chicken flavoring. Stir. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT. Why? Why wont' you work, f-ing gravy?!?! My mom walks up and says "Oh. what happened to the gravy?" Go away, you old hag. My dad says "Hmmm. The gravy doesn't look right. Maybe Mommy can help?" I don't see you cooking anything, ya jerk. Then Marty says something to the effect that the gravy looks like cream of broccoli soup. I practically broke down at this point. I gave Marty the evil eye and cursed him out (quietly of course since my elders were in the room). He then tried to apologize and got some "Don't touch me. Don't look at me. Don't say a word. I hate you." And then the whole group got "If you want gravy, there is a jar in the pantry. Heat it up yourselves." Smarties that they are, they did not mention the gravy again. I almost stomped out of the kitchen and refused to eat, but came to my sense and remained semi-civil for the rest of the meal. Overall it was a wild success and I am feeling very proud and wifely.
And to top myself, I made chicken noodle soup with the bone and everything on Friday. I am quite the multitasker and clearly, I am a domestic goddess.
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