Good Luck Karen!!

<------ This picture appears upright on my screen. I tried to play with it for a while, but it still posts sideways. I gave up. So just turn your head. Here is my sister's submission for the radio contest Moms Gone Wild from WPLJ in New York. If you are in the area, try and give a listen. I thought she did a great job. For some reason, they do not have a live stream that I can see from their website...





Hi Scott and Todd,

I am ready to be like Britney (except I won't shave my hair off and I will keep my panties on).

My name is Karen Condo, also known as wife, mother, cook, maid, laundress, chauffeur, teacher, nurse, therapist, masseuse, referee, bus driver and all around busy woman. I am a 37 year old mother of 3 (Ashley 13, Caitlin 11, and Joey 5) and wife of 1 (Joe). My husband and I have been married for fourteen years. I guess I can't really say that I need a night away from my husband at the moment, but that is only because he has been working nights for the past two months (I guess the only way he can get on my nerves right now is by not being around). I could definately use a night away from my kids. My daughters get along great when they are not fighting. Of course, being girls and being so close in age (and having only ONE bathroom in the house), imagine how often they are not getting on each others nerves, hence the aka referee. They keep me quite busy taxiing them to cheerleading, tumbling, school, friends, and other activities. I also have Joey, who is my special little boy. Joey has cerebral palsy. He goes to school in Edison (which I drive him to every day - 1 1/2 hours round trip). Joey also has a lot of special needs. He has a trach and feeding tube (he eats nothing by mouth) and also has epilepsy. We spend a lot of time at doctor's offices and hospitals.

On top of taking care of my husband and three kids, I aslo work for a cardiology group. I have not been away overnight from my kids in over 6 years. In fact, I have not had more than 2 drinks at a time in over 6 years (hmm...maybe my panties will be in trouble at Mom's Gone Wild). I could definately use a night of no responsibilities and leave everything up to my husband for a change.

My pal, Mary Catherine (31), also happens to be my sister. She is the person who has to listen to all my bitching when I am having a bad day at home. She is also there for me and my girls when we are dealing with my sons many illnesses. We are from Somerville, New Jersey and would love to join you on the Mom's Gone Wild Bus trip. You can reach me at 908-5XX-4XXX to invite me along. Thanks, Karen "is so ready to go wild" Condo PS - As I type this my girls are fighting over a Jonas Brothers poster. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

Oooh. I owe some birthday love to my friend, Kelly. Hope you had a great day!

My friend Abbie elfed me. My niece Ashley elfed me. You should all elf someone because it is so freakin' funny to watch. Here's Kelly, Laurie, Clare and me, elfed:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9608169943

People are crazy

Marty and I need a new computer. Our computer is like 5 1/2 years old and isn't really working all that well. It works, but it works sloooow, making our high speed internet kind of moot. Sadly, our computer only allows me to blog one out of every three times I try. So we've been looking around. We decided we are going to get a laptop and maybe get a low price desktop to replace what we currently have and then go completely wireless. We found one we liked and Marty saw it on sale at Best Buy. We went over and BOOOOO, the sale ended the day before and it was $150 more expensive. Marty refused to buy it and made it his goal to find the best deal possible on the new computer. And then the Black Friday ads came out.

Best Buy's add had a ton of stuff on sale. We had no interest in the $200 computer. I don't know how they had this special anyway. It was a pc, 17" widescreen monitor, keyboard and mouse. The screen alone is probably worth $200 and they had this whole bundle priced at $200. The ad said every store would have a minimum of 15 of them. The crazy deals like this were labeled as "doorbusters" and it said right on the front of the add that tickets would be given out at 3am for the doorbuster items and the doors would open at 5am. There were a lot of computers on sale, but the one we were interested in was a laptop that was the most expensive computer listed in the ad. We are not morning people, so we never had a plan to go to the store on Black Friday.

Our Thanksgiving tradition is to eat dinner at Marty's brother's house. We then drive to my sister's house where we drink and play poker all night long. For some reason, Marty looks at me at 3:30am and says "If we stay awake another hour, we can hit the Best Buy." I was not that crazy about the idea, so we weighed the pros and cons. The pros won. The computer is $250 off and the closest store to my sister's house is actually in deleware, where there's no sales tax, which would be another $70 cheaper than buying it at home. $320 is quite a bit of savings. We decided to go for it.

Now, the store opened at 5am and we got there at 5:30. There was still a line to get in. There was a line just to get in the door! Crazy. And there were state troopers there acting as crowd control. So we waited. We finally get in the store and had to get into another line, the computer line. I have to say that Best Buy was really well prepared for this madness. They had the ends of the aisles blocked off so that there was a weaving line that led to the counter in the computer section. Meanwhile, people are frantically grabbing printers, digital cameras and the like all around us. A very pleasant woman rammed me in the back of the legs with her shopping cart and then said "Oh. Excuse me." She then rammed the man in from of me in the back of the legs and said "Oh. Excuse me." I was on to her game so I tapped the next woman in the back and said "She's gonna ram you in the back of the legs with her cart and than say excuse me, so you should really get out of the way." She thanked me and the shopping cart lady looked away, refusing to look me in the eye. After standing around aimlessly in this line for about twenty minutes, Marty asked a store associate if we were in the right line and yes we were. He said it would take us forty minutes to get to the next associate who would be better able to tell us if they still had our computer. Claustrophobic people would have been totally fucked. I swear this was the most crowded I have ever seen a store.

We got near the second associate and he is making this announcement over and over "If you do not have a ticket, you will not be able to get any of the computers in the Black Friday ad." This was not what we wanted to hear, so we tried to think our way out of it. Sure, our computer was in the ad, but wasn't a doorbuster. The ad said the sale was on Friday and Saturday for our computer. Surely they have enough to last both days. Maybe they would still have one? We looked around and no one around us was holding tickets. Marty asked the couple in front of us if they had a ticket and they said they didn't. He said "Well, that guy just said if you don't have a ticket, there are no more computers left from the ad."

The woman said "Well, we didn't see the ad, but he found the computer that we want online."

Marty said "I think if it was online, it is probably in the ad." So he pulls the add out of his back pocket and starts to show it to her. "Was it this one?"

"No. It wasn't a laptop."

"Was it any of these?"

"No. Not any of those."

"How 'bout this page?"

"No. None of those."

I see Marty shuffle the pages around and get this gleam in his eye. The evil Marty gleam. The one he gave me when I asked if people can see out of glass eyes. He points to the ad and says "This one?"

"Yep. That's the one."

They were waiting for the $200 computer. Marty laughs and says "That's WAAAAY gone."

The couple looked at each other all confused and start this big discussion amongst themselves. Meanwhile, my husband is hiding behind the ad, laughing his ass off, and mouthing things like this to me: "How fucking stupid can you be? I want to smack them. There are 250 people in line in front of you. Didn't they think maybe some of those people would want one of the 15 $200 computers?" It was hysterical. We gave up and got out of line at this point and admitted to ourselves that we weren't getting our computer. The couple was still there when we got out of line. We think they thought we were lying.

We took the long way around the back of the store before we left because Marty was considering getting a DVD that was on sale. As we are passing the appliances, Marty says "They must be giving away stuff in appliances. Look at the line over there." It snaked up and down aisles, even worse than the computer section. And then he really looked at the line and noticed that a lot of teenagers were in the line and they don't want washers, dryers and ranges. Marty walks up to the associate standing at the end of one of the aisles and says "Is this the checkout line?"

The associate nodded and said "Yep. See the balloons at the back of the store? That's where the line begins. Takes about an hour and a half."

An hour and a half to checkout???? I looked and Marty and said "No DVD's. No amount of savings is worth this much of my time." How crazy is that? I cannot believe people are willing to do this. It made me so mad that I've decided that all of my holiday shopping will be done online. I will not go to even one store! Online I will not get rammed by shopping carts and I won't be surrounded by stupidity. On the ride back to civilization (we decided that Delaware does not count as civilization), we promised each other that we would never ever ever even entertain the idea of shopping on Black Friday again. Although, I must admit that the super stupid couple did make for some great comic relief.

Happy Thanksgiving

Hello. I hope everyone is having a happy and safe Thanksgiving. I know it is a Thursday, but I figured most people would not be at their computers today for trivia. I'm sure you will all be at home spending time with the people for whom you are thankful.

I have a lot to be thankful for, but I wanted to share something special. I received a call from my sister Karen yesterday. WPLJ in New York is having a contest and she was going to enter her name to win. The contest is called Moms Gone Wild and they are picking a bus full of Moms to send to Foxwoods Casino Resort overnight. Each Mom will get to bring a friend and my sister asked me to be her friend. Very flattering.
Karen is Mom to two girls and a boy and wife to Joe. She deserves this break! Her girls are 13 and 11 and she only has one bathroom. Her son has special needs and requires a lot of care. Her husband was recently switched to working the overnight shift so she has been juggling a lot of stuff. And she works too. Just typing that made me tired. So keep your fingers crossed that Karen wins and have a great holiday.

Answers to Slacker Trivia

I am all kinds of out of whack with the Trivia. Answers on a Monday? Unheard of. I guess I am just staying with the slacker theme.

This was just about my favorite trivia ever. This was the most participants I have ever had for Trivia Thursday. Plus, I was LOL quite a bit. Somehow, I never made a number 8. I just went from number 7 to number 9. W/E

Here are your answers:

1. BRB Be right back

2. GAL Get a life
I got some funny ones for this one, including Gassy and Lethal from Janna, Giggles and Laughs from Kat, God Awful Loser from Abbie, Guess Again Loser from Christen and Got Another Laugh from Mary

3. J/K Just kidding

4. TTYL Talk to you later

5. THX Thanks

6. LOL Laughing out loud

7. BBL Be back later

8. This is a freebie because I'm stupid.

9. WTG Way to go
Almost perfect on this one, but we got a good try with With the Girls by Kat and a hysterical White Trash Goddess from Christen. I guess being a WT Goddess beats the hell out of just being WT.

10. IDK I don't know (My BFF Rose) Kat and I both apparently love the grandma from this commercial.

11. TPTB The powers that be
Nobody got this one and I wasn't surprised. I will admit that I almost pissed my pants at the answers that were given though:
Toilet Paper Turd Burglar
Toilet Paper Toilet Bowl
That Pineapple Tastes Bountiful
To Play the Best
The Peanut the Butter

12. PPL People
Pushy Pink Lady, T???

13. NVM Never mind

14. GTG Get together or Got to go

15. AFK Away from Keyboard
Aw, F Kat I like how getting F'ed makes Kat all warm and fuzzy. Awwww.
All Effing Knight from Abbie. This makes me smiley.

16. ATM At the moment

17. IMO or IMHO In my opinion or in my honest/humble opinion

18. W/E Whatever or weekend

19. ADDY Address as in email address
A Dead Dog Yelps, T? This would be an impressive feat for the dead dog.

20. BFF Best friend forever

21. DIY Do it yourself

22. JIC Just in case

23. B/F boyfriend or best friend, I also accepted Before I forget since the slash looked like an I

24. HAGD Have a good day
Hating anyway, God Dammit from Kat. I like the anger.
Hopelessly Agitated Gold Digger from Christen. Interesting.

25. 2G2BT Too good to be true

26. IRL In real life

27. TTFN Ta ta for now

28. N/P No problem

29. Y/W You're welcome

30. TYT Take your time, but I accepted Tell you tomorrow. Theresa, I did not accept Trash Your Town, although that does sound like something a White Trash Goddess would do.

And here we go with the results.

Theresa 20/30
Megan 21/30 Megan fell prey to the mysterious number 8 and her answers were all out of whack. Sorry Megs.
Mary S 23/30
Christen 24/30
Abbie 24/30
Kat 25/30
Janna & Karen are either super smart or spend entirely too much time on the internet. They both got 27/30 and are the winners.

Since it is my game though, I get to give out special awards and I declare Kat and TT winners as well for making me practically pee my pants. My favorite answers by far were Toilet Paper Toilet Bowl and The Peanut The Butter. Very imaginative, ladies. They don't go down without a fight.

Trivia Thursday for slackers

Hi. I am here, but I have had no internet today. This is a blogger's worst nightmare. I am out of the office with a laptop, but managed to wander around until I found a wireless signal. So now I am standing on one leg in the corner of a hallway typing. The signal is kind of in and out. And here were are. I won't post the answers until Saturday, to give everyone time to answer.

It is once again Trivia Thursday. I will post a new set of trivia questions every Thursday. The rules are simple. Please put your answers in the comments section of the post and I will reveal the answers tomorrow. No Cheating! I trust that all of you will all use the honor system? That means you will not use Google, (or any other internet searches) or mooch off other peoples answers. Cheating is BAD. If your employer has somehow made it impossible for you to post comments (bastards), you may also email me your answers to me at MCnMarty@hotmail.com.

In honor of my technological difficulties, I am going to give you some internet and text speak. You give me the English translation. No calling 13 year old nieces either. I bet kids know this stuff way better than any of the adults. Good luck and thanks for playing!

1. BRB

2. GAL

3. J/K

4. TTYL

5. THX

6. LOL

7. BBL

9. WTG

10. IDK

11. TPTB

12. PPL

13. NVM

14. GTG

15. AFK

16. ATM

17. IMO or IMHO

18. W/E

19. ADDY

20. BFF

21. DIY

22. JIC

23. B/F

24. HAGD

25. 2G2BT

26. IRL

27. TTFN

28. N/P

29. Y/W

30. TYT

TFP. CUL8R (OK. I made up TFP. That was Thanks For Playing...)

IT'S HERE!! IT'S FINALLY HERE!!

NINJA FEST IS HERE!! It is tonight!

This has been so anticipated in my house, and I'm so excited it is finally here. If you have not watched Ninja Warrior before, you are really missing out. Ninja Warrior is a Japanese game show known in Japan as Sasuke and it airs here on G4TV with English subtitles. It's on every weeknight at 6pm and 10pm. We have seen them all since they 've only done Ninja Warrior 19 times, but we watch them over and over. It never loses it's magic. 100 competitors compete and there are four stages of obstacle courses. Each stage is harder than the last and the contestants drop like flies. The courses are so ridiculously hard that only two guys have ever completed it to be crowned Ninja Warriors. It's so addictive.

Stage One is a lot of fun to watch because most of the contestants in no way have the upper body strength to compete in the later stages and the people have no shame. Japanese soap stars, newscasters, comedians, models, movie stars, transvestites, old people, average joes and there was even a guy who played a Ninja at an amusement park who competed... They don't care. They all try it anyway and end up swimming in mud and its great entertainment. Some even do this in thongs. Awesome. And during all of this you get to hear this crazy Japanese announcer screaming and saying ridiculous things like "Watch his sinewy muscles glisten in the red sun." I'd say maybe 10 people actually get through the first round because it's pretty hard. Stage 2, even harder. State 3, unbelievable. And Stage 4 near to impossible: if contestants get this far, they have to spider climb up about 35 feet between two walls and up a 30 foot rope. IN THIRTY SECONDS.

I love how the contestants aren't professional athletes. There are some olympians, but the really good ones are mostly blue collar workers, who work out, build obstacles in their back yards and rock. I think everyone has their favorite contestant. There are six guys that are considered All Stars, since they always do so good.

I always love Shingo Yamamoto. He has competed in every single Ninja Warrior. He's the only person who has and he's made it to Stage 4 twice. One time he JUST missed finishing and the other time he dislocated his shoulder about ten feet into the spider climb. In the first season, he pumped gas at a gas station. He always wears his uniform for the competition. I love how over the competitions we get to see how he kept getting promoted (he's a regional manager now), got married and built his house (of course with a full Ninja Warrior training course built in the yard). Cool guy.

The best guy ever though is Makoto Nagano. He is Marty's hero. He's a fishing boat captain who totally fucking rocks at Ninja Warrior. He has been to the final stage four times and actually won once. He is the coolest guy ever. He makes the obstacles look effortless a lot of the time because he takes his time and is so graceful. I've seen him fail in every stage, but he is always smiling when he emerges from the muddy water. He is so modest and humble. The best part is, I swear he cheers more for the other competitors than himself. This is such a cool thing about Ninja Warrior. There doesn't have to be just one winner. I remember a show where Nagano was in the final stage with a Japanese actor and a Bulgarian olympic gymnast. There didn't seem to be any comradery between them all. The gymnast and the actor were so out for themselves. Nagano changed that. He suggested that a bunch of guys train together and that is how the all stars came about. Can you tell I'm a Makoto Nagano fan? Hahaha.

So I am challenging everybody to watch it. I challenged my Mom and Marty's Mom and they are both addicts now too. G4 ran a competition to send over an American competitor. So tonight they are running a special showing the winner of the American Ninja Challenge starting at 8pm and 3 new episodes back to back of Ninja Warrior from 9 to 10:30pm. So tune in for more outrageous competitors, more insane obstacles and more NIIIINJA WAARIOR. G4 is channel 74 for Comcast in my area and 175 for Cablevision peeps.



Here is a sneak peek if you can view it of Makoto Nagano in all four stages. Enjoy!

RAGE

I had to give myself an eight day cooling period before I could even blog about this. I was so mad at the time that I could not have tried to make light of it at all. I'm still wrestling with the anger, trying to decide where to begin. Deep breath.

OK. Here goes. I love football season. I really really do. I like cold beer and hot wings and these are football staples. I also like to spend time with my husband sometimes and unless I watch football I don't get to see him on Sundays from September through February. I really love to gamble and you can gamble with football too. I am in three pools this year. One is a survivor pool where you pick one straight up winner each week. You can only pick each team once though for the year. If your pick does not win, you are out of the pool. Forever. Pretty simple. Well, I have been in this pool for several years. My record prior to this season was 2 weeks. Yep. Never made it past week 2. This frustrates me. But this year... This year I was in in to win it. As of last week, Week 9, I was still in! Football knowledgeable husband? OUT. Me? IN. YEEEEESSSSSS.

My other pool is a rank'em pool. There are 13 to 16 games per week. I pick the winners and then give them confidence points. For every game you pick correctly, you get the points you allotted to that game. The person with the most points wins. I have never won this. Marty has won this several times.

My last pool is a fantasy football league, which is fun. We had a live draft and everything. The other teams are family and friends and we get to talk nasty smack to each other, heckle, point and laugh, all kinds of fun stuff. I started 3 and 0 at the beginning of the season and haven't done much since.

So, this brings me to last week, or the week of DOOM as I like to call it. Now, I normally don't think about my picks at all during the week. I get up on Saturday, look at who's playing and make my survivor pick. I should have known something would go wrong when Marty asks me on Thursday "So. Have you thought about your survivor pick at all? San Diego is not a bad pick." Of course I had not thought about it. My pick was not due for two more days. And why is he helping me at week 9? I made it 8 weeks without any help from him, thankyouverymuch. But I ended up following his advice (I would have made this pick on my own anyway, but I like blaming him...). I went with San Diego over the Vikings. San Diego was favored by 9 points. Well they lost. They didn't just lose. They got embarrassed. NFL records broken and crap. And I hate them.

Next came my rank'em pool. I was winning. I was in first place after the early and late Sunday games. Only two games left. All I needed was for the Eagles to win on Sunday night and the Steelers to win on Monday. Nooooo problem. Well, the Eagles lost, the Steelers won and I finished in second place. F-ing Eagles. They are MY team. They lost AND they made me lose my pool? By two points? I hate them.

Lastly is my fantasy team. For the ladies, I will try to put this in terms that you can understand since the fantasy stuff is a little more involved. I was playing the team in my league with the worst record. My apologies to said team's owner, but she had only one win the whole season. So I was pretty confident that I would win. My team has really been sucking of late and I was excited for the sure win. I play Jay Cutler as my quarterback because my backup is Chad Pennington and well, of course I would not play Chad Pennington. (girls, Jay is the Steve Maddens, Chad is the Payless. Other girls in the league are rocking Christian Louboutin, which makes me green with envy and I sure as hell ain't wearing the Payless.) Well, Jay scored 0 points and was out of the game in the 2nd quarter with an injury. I know this sucks for him, but it totally sucks for me too. You need a quarterback! (ladies, a man let me down. I know, I know. I shouldn't be so surprised.) So there's a big goose egg for that department.

My kicker was on a bye week. He's usually good for a few point, but I didn't want to drop a player and try and pick one up. Especially since the available kickers in waivers don't even really play. So I didn't have a shot of getting points there, but figured I would be okay. (chicas: it's like I'm going to the club , but I forgot the going out purse, so I have the full size purse with me. I don't want to carry it around the club, so I grab the money and id, shove them in my pocket and leave the purse in the car. It's there, not doing anything for me. But when I leave the club and go to the diner later, I'll have the purse and all of its necessary tools.)

My running backs should get me some points though right? Well... Larry Johnson did alright, but Travis Henry must have been tired from all of the lie detector tests and building his web of lies for the NFL so they don't suspend him. (we've all had one: the bad boy. They are so tempting. Girls, Travis has gotten caught smokin' the doob for a third time. He's so bad ass he isn't even denying it. Yep, he did it, but he's trying to get off on a technicality. Oh. And he's got 9 kids from 9 different chicks. Too much baggage. I should've seen this from the get go. He's pretty good though and bad boys are exciting...)

Houshmandzadeh was there for me and got me some points and my reliable Steelers defense scored a whopping 28 points, but they could not make up for the total suckiness of Roy Williams, Dallas Clark and Dennis Northcutt (my female friends: Houshmandzadeh = chocolate, Steelers D= potato chips, Williams = cramps, Clark = bloating, Northcutt = back pain. The chocolate and chips are great, but the other jerks still ruined my day and I'm totally defeated.) And then I was totally defeated. Lost by 5 points. And I hate them. Now I'm mad all over again.

Answers to Yesterday's Monopoly Trivia

1. Which is not a game piece in Monopoly ?
d. Airplane
The money bag was not an original game piece. There was a public vote for a new game piece and the money bag was the winner.

2. How much does it cost to buy Boardwalk ?
b. $400
Too rich for my blood.

3. If you own 3 railroads, how much rent do you collect when someone lands on one ?
c. $100

4. How much do you have to pay to get out of Jail ?
d. $50
Crime doesn’t pay. Oh wait. Yes it does. You can collect rent while you are in jail. This comes in very handy late in the game when rent is expensive. I love to sit in jail and collect rent from other people.

5. How much money do you collect for passing GO ?
a. $200

6. How much is Luxury Tax ?
d. $75
It’s such a pain in the ass, isn’t it? You’re two spots from Go. And dyu gotta pay.

7. In the official rules, how much money do you collect for landing on Free Parking ?
c. $0

8. How many Chance spaces are on the board ?
b. 3

9. How much does it cost to buy one of the utilities ?
a. $150

10. The policeman on the "Go To Jail" space has a whistle in his mouth ?
a. True

11. In the U.S. version of Monopoly, which Atlantic City street is misspelled.
a. Marvin Gardens
Oops.
12. Which square is located between Pennsylvania Avenue and Community Chest?
a. St. James Place
This is a gimme that everybody got because I typed it wrong. It should have read Pennsylvania RAILROAD and Community Chest. But I goofed. There is nothing in between Pennsylvani Avenue and Community Chest because they are right next to each other!

13. How much does it cost to buy Ventnor Avenue?
c. $260

14. What is three spaces after the “Go to Jail” space?
b. Community Chest

15. If you own Electric Company and Water Works, how much rent would you charge another play for landing on one of the properties?
c. 10 times the amount on the dice


16. How many properties are there on the board that can be bought from the bank, excluding railroads and utilities?
a. 22

17. How much do you get from the bank if you draw the “Bank error in your favor” card?
b. $200

18. How much do you get for winning second price in a beauty contest?
c. $10
I won first.

19. If “Your Building and Loan Matures”, how much money do you get from the bank?
a. $150

20. Which of these can you not advance to when drawing the designated Chance or Community Chest cards?
d. Marvin Gardens


OK. I've revamped my answer checking system to this new system that involves folding the paper. We'll see if it is more reliable. It is more fun. But it also looks more suspicious as I am folding and unfolding paper at my desk. Here are your results:

First off, I made this one hard. And I'm sure we all haven't played in a while. I know it has been a long time for me.

Maria and Theresa got 8 out of 20 correct. Maria admitted to playing Monopoly very infrequently. Theresa need to brush up on her skills cause I have played with her a ton of times. She is cute though, so it's forgiven. T, it is $50 to get out of jail:-) Now, go to Jail. Go directly to Jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

Mary got 10 out of 20 correct. Well done. You get a Get Out of Jail Free Card.

Joe Mc got 13 out of 20 correct and was a clear front runner. He has bankrupted you all and run away with all of your money. Good job Joe!! Way to go.

What is happening to the neighborhood?

CRAZY SHIT. Not sure if you saw this on the news, but I came home after working late
last night and the road our street is off of was closed. There were a ton of police cars, swat vans, fbi jackets, helicopters... This is not the normal course of things when I get home from work. It's a nice quiet neighborhood. Anyway, a 20 year old guy murdered his two half sisters, aged 6 and 10 and tried to kill his mom and his one year old half sibling. The murder weapon was a hammer. That is terrible. A hammer? Poor little girls.

This caused quite the stir in my neighborhood. Pretty much every neighbor called us and these were thestories I got:

There is a crack house on G street (around the corner) and the FBI is breaking up a drug ring. I admit to being unobservant sometimes, but I hope to god that I would recognize crackheads in my neighborhood.

A guy killed his mother and fled the scene and was running around loose in the neighborhood. Super. Homicidal maniac on the loose. I double checked all the locks on the doors and windows.

A guy killed his whole family and was in the house threatening to set off a bomb. That is just super. Explosives not even a quarter of a mile away.

A guy killed his whole family and was in the house and finally killed himself. There was a loud crack that was probably something being dropped. Two of my neighbors called convinced it was a gunshot. I have no idea what a gunshot sounds like, so I could not advise them.

Turns out this guy killed the sisters. The baby is okay. The mom is hospitalized, but alright. She got away and called the police. The guy did not kill himself, but he threatened to for an hour and a half before the police nabbed him. He is in police custody. And they thought he may have explosives on or near his person, so they evacuated all the surrounding homes.

So there I am, thinking there may be a homicidal maniac on the loose and here is what goes through my mind: Why is my husband not here to protect me? How am I going to take out the trash and the recycling?

My new non-smoking technique is to clean obsessively. Not pick up my husband's crap in the living room or anything like that. That's still a big old mess. I mean, take everything out of every kitchen cabinet and drawer, discard unused items and expired food, clean the drawer or cabinet and neatly put back the keepers. So I had an unusual amount of trash.

Anyway, Marty had to go to a teachers convention in Atlantic City. He left at 5:45 am and took the train. I tried to call him several times to give him the scoop on the local homicide, but got his voicemail every time and made a mental note "if homicidal maniac ever breaks into house, do not call husband because he does not answer cell". So as I am going over the trash and recycling dilemma (I could take it out and carry around a golf club for protection or I could call the neighbor and ask him to watch my back as I take out the trash. He is very chatty though normally and with the added drama of murder, he would have had me out there for hours talking. I decided it wasn't worth it. Hmmm. What to do?) when my cell rings and the caller id
reveals it is Marty. "Imatdatrainsation. Needcomegetme. Threwuptrain. Threwuptrain." Huh? Slower honey. I have no idea what you are saying. After a couple more attempts, I finally got it!
He was wasted, at the train station, had thrown up due to the final shot of tequila and needed me to pick him up. NICE. So I called the most dependable person in the world (she'll be the #1 call if I encounter a homicidal maniac by the way), my Mom and she came and took me to the train station. Thanks Mom.

What in God's name happened to my husband? I have seen him drink at tailgates from early morning to late night before and function just fine. He could not speak. He could not walk. He was a total mess. Apparently the teacher convention winded down about 1 in the afternoon. Then they drank for 7 hours straight. And there was tequila. I'm not sure how he didn't see this was a recipe for disaster from the beginning.

I gave Marty the 411 twice on the way home. Yet, when we pulled up, he still said "Wazzgoin on here? Assiden or sumpin?" Yep. Accident honey. I am leaving your vomit on the top step. You can hose it off in the morning. Love ya.

Trivia Thursday MONOPOLY

It is once again Trivia Thursday. I will post a new set of trivia questions every Thursday. The rules are simple. Please put your answers in the comments section of the post and I will reveal the answers tomorrow. No Cheating! I trust that all of you will all use the honor system? That means you will not use Google, (or any other internet searches) or mooch off other peoples answers. Cheating is BAD. If your employer has somehow made it impossible for you to post comments (bastards), you may also email me your answers to me at MCnMarty@hotmail.com.

A conversation with a coworker yesterday about Monopoly inspired this trivia quiz. I always loved Monopoly. I wish I played it more now. I like it when it is played correctly though. None of this "get a million dollars when you land on free parking" crap. Also, when you play by the rules, the game takes a half an hour, as opposed to the 4 hour marathon games when you play by house rules. Here are some house rules I have seen played:
Roll double sixes and get $500.
Roll double ones and get one of each bill.
Land on free parking and get $500 and any tax people pay.
Giving someone immunity from rent (how is this at all fair???).
Selling back houses/hotels for full price (it's supposed to be half).
Every family has their own rules and some of them are pretty crazy.



My personal Monopoly strategy is to go for the Oranges and the Reds. I like the middle of the line real estate with a good return. They're before the Go to Jail Space, so the other players are not missing you and they're after Jail, so you get some suckers who've just been sprung. Plus there's a card that sends you right to Illinois Ave! Can't beat that. And the housing prices for the Greens and Blues are just staggering. We only get $200 every lap around the board. So I stay away from the high rent district. Anyway, let's see what you know about the game! Please feel free to also share any house rules that you know that I didn't list or just don't know. Good luck.



1. Which is not a game piece in Monopoly ?
a. Money bag
b. Dog
c. Iron
d. Airplane

2. How much does it cost to buy Boardwalk ?
a. $350
b. $400
c. $450
d. $500

3. If you own 3 railroads, how much rent do you collect when someone lands on one ?
a. $50
b. $75
c. $100
d. $150

4. How much do you have to pay to get out of Jail ?
a. $20
b. $25
c. $40
d. $50

5. How much money do you collect for passing GO ?
a. $200
b. $300
c. $400
d. $500

6. How much is Luxury Tax ?
a. 10% of assets
b. $200 or 10% of assets
c. $150
d. $75

7. In the official rules, how much money do you collect for landing on Free Parking ?
a. $500
b. $500 plus all fines collected
c. $0
d. $50 from every player

8. How many Chance spaces are on the board ?
a. 2
b. 3
c. 4
d. 5

9. How much does it cost to buy one of the utilities ?
a. $150
b. $175
c. $200
d. $225

10. The policeman on the "Go To Jail" space has a whistle in his mouth ?
a. True
b. False

11. In the U.S. version of Monopoly, which Atlantic City street is misspelled.
a. Marvin Gardens
b. Baltic Avenue
c. Ventnor Avenue
d. Park Place

12. Which square is located between Pennsylvania Avenue and Community Chest?
a. St. James Place
b. Pennsylvania Avenue
c. Marvin Gardens
d. Oriental Avenue

13. How much does it cost to buy Ventnor Avenue?
a. $280
b. $240
c. $260
d. $220

14. What is three spaces after the “Go to Jail” space?
a. Chance
b. Community Chest
c. North Carolina Avenue
d. Pennsylvania Avenue

15. If you own Electric Company and Water Works, how much rent would you charge another play for landing on one of the properties?
a. 2 times the amount on the dice
b. 4 times the amount on the dice
c. 10 times the amount on the dice
d. 5 times the amount on the dice

16. How many properties are there on the board that can be bought from the bank, excluding railroads and utilities?
a. 22
b. 26
c. 28
d. 30

17. How much do you get from the bank if you draw the “Bank error in your favor” card?
a. $50
b. $200
c. $100
d. $250

18. How much do you get for winning second price in a beauty contest?
a. $50
b. $15
c. $10
d. $25

19. If “Your Building and Loan Matures”, how much money do you get from the bank?
a. $150
b. $50
c. $100
D. $45

20. Which of these can you not advance to when drawing the designated Chance or Community Chest cards?
a. St. Charles
b. Illinois Avenue
c. Boardwalk
d. Marvin Gardens

Answers to Yesterday's Trivia

This was surprisingly my favorite Trivia to prepare. We live in a pretty freakin' interesting place and the research was cool.

Thank you to my two participants. Maria was a returning player and we have a SHINY NEW player, Ryan.

Was everyone else scared of the American Trivia?

Here are your answers:

1. Mount Rushmore is located in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Which of the following faces is not pictured on the rocky cliff?
c. Franklin Delano Roosevelt
This was kind of a trick question. The fourth face on Mount Rushmore is Theodore Roosevelt, not Franklin D.

2. The Gateway Arch is located in St. Louis, Missouri and is also called "the Gateway to the _______."
d. West

3. Each Memorial Day weekend, one of the country's most popular sporting events is held. What is this event?
c. The Indianapolis 500
I don’t get it, but it is very popular.

4. Located on the border between the United States of America and Canada, Niagara Falls consists of three separate falls. Which of the following is not part of Niagara Falls?
b. Maid of the Mist Falls
Maid of the Mist is the Steamship Company that does trips at the falls.

5. A bucking horse and rider is the state symbol for which state?
d. Wyoming
Check out their state quarter to see.

6. Considered one of the natural wonders of the world, this is the site of a national park that was founded in 1919 and encompasses 1,218,375 acres. What is the name of this national park?
a. Grand Canyon National Park
“natural wonder” was the clue here.

7. Which of the following cities is the oldest in the United States of America?
b. St. Augustine, Florida
It was established by the Spanish in 1565.

8. In what state does the famed Punxsutawney Phil reside?
a. Pennsylvania
If you have not seen Groundhog Day, you are missing out.

9. The lowest point in the United States is which of the following?
b. Death Valley, California
It’s also supposed to be one of the hottest places in the world. Less than 2 inches of rain a year. Interesting reading on this place.


10. In the 48 contiguous United States, which of the following is the highest point?
a. Mount Whitney
Mount McKinley is the highest point in the US, but Whitney is the highest in the 48 contiguous states.

11. Alaska's biggest park is Wood-Tikchik State Park.
a. True
1.55 million acres.

12. This state became the 50th state on August 21, 1959.
d. Hawaii
They used to be the Sandwich Islands. This makes me hungry.

13. This state has the greatest population.
California

14. The capital of Nevada is Las Vegas.
b. False
Carson City is the capital.

15. This state is known for having one of the most diverse landscapes in the United States including deserts, prairies, semiarid scrublands, tall and dense forests, coastline, and glaciated Cascade volcanoes.
b. Oregon
That’s kinda crazy.

16. Named after the first President of the United States of America, this is the only state named after a president.
Washington

17. Britton Hill is the lowest highpoint of any state, and the highest point in Florida.
a. True

18. Yellowstone National Park is mostly in ______, but extends into Montana and Idaho.
e. Wyoming

19. Ninety percent of this state's land is forested.
b. Maine
And I’ve heard it is beautiful.

20. Which of the following states borders Iowa?
d. llinois
The land of Lincoln.


The breakdown:

Ryan got 15 out of 20. For a first timer, I am impressed. It was really 14 out of 20, but I gave him #11 since he answered "d" to a question that only had "a" and "b" as options. This confused me, I thought I had written his answer down wrong and I double and triple checked and then I found it so funny that I had to give him credit. And he got the Indianapolis 500 wrong, which is great. That whole watching cars go around in a circle thing is a mystery to me too, Ryan.

Maria got 17 out of 20 right, with no gimmes. She's a Yankee Doodle Dandy, a Yankee Doodle do or die. Way to go Maria!! Wave your flag proudly.

Dessert Abuse

I did an unforgivable thing.

On Sunday, I was having dinner with my family and I made dessert: Chocolate pudding pie and rice crispie treats. Good stuff. Since the full Thanksgiving worthy turkey dinner that my sister and mom made was so flippin' good and filling, nobody ate my desserts. Bastards.

Dilemma dilemma dilemma. What to do with the desserts? Mom did not want the contraband left at her residence since it would be too tempting, so both full desserts (well...there was one rice crispie treat missing. not sure who the guilty party is, but good for him or her.) went home in my car. Now, do I keep both decadent calorie laden dishes at my house to tempt me and Marty? Pawn them off on a neighbor? Throw them away (oh, hell no)? Hmmm. Chocolate is always good and the pie had one of the really good graham cracker crusts. And I have the can of RediWhip in the fridge ready to top the pie. Also, based on previous studies, I have found that Marty eats three pieces of chocolate pie to every one piece that I eat. So, my sins would be minimal. Rice crispie treats have butter in them. Fatty. But they also have marshmallows in them which don't really weigh anything, so I personally consider them to be a "lite" food. And they are cereal so I feel that it is okay to eat them for breakfast. Suger equals energy, which would make me a hyper, alert worker. To keep both desserts would be sinful though, so a decision had to be made.

After debating the pros and cons, on Monday morning, I decided that the pie was staying and the treats were going. Going to work with me that is. This is a two-fold bonus because I also look like a caring, considerate co-worker for bringing them in and I am not actually ingesting the calories myself. Nice. Well, I was running a bit late on Monday morning. Shocking, I know. Sunday evening I had decided that I would cut the rice crispie treats in the a.m. You know, cause I was gonna wake up early. Ahem. It didn't work that way in the morning. Yeah. I was running late. I had my lunch, my purse, my coffee and the glass Pyrex dish of rice crispie treats on hand. I grabbed my keys and ran out the door. I got to the car and went to unlock the door and... Shit. Wrong keys. I put down my stuff, grabbed the newspaper from the sidewalk, ran into the house, swapped the keys, dropped the paper, returned to the car and I was on my way.

Now, my commute is about 15 miles. I have three turns to Route 295, take it for 14 miles, take the exit ramp, proceed about a mile, turn right and then make a left into my office parking lot. Things were proceeding nicely for 90% of the trip. No traffic, coffee is delicious, it is a nice sunny fall day. I take the exit ramp from Route 295 and I hear a loud pop. A peak into the rear view mirror reveals bits and pieces of glass bouncing all over the ramp behind me. Running through my mind at the time: Some ASSHOLE has littered and left a glass bottle on the side of the road. If I have a flat tire, I am going to be soooooo pissed off. There is a chance that other drivers will get flat tires. Some people are such jerks and should go to hell for not considering others when they make stupid decisions.

Yep. I was really mad at the litterbug. Anyway, I got to work (only a couple of minutes late) and walked two laps around my car to survey the damage. It appeared that my tires were intact. Phew. Deep breath. It'll be a good day. Littering d-bag can't touch me. I grabbed my purse, my coffee and my lunch from the passenger seat and opened the back door to grab the delicious treats. The rice crispie treats were not there. Where are the rice crispie treats? And then I realized: on the exit ramp from Route 295. MENTAL REPLAY "drop purse, coffee, lunch, treats. Newspaper. Exchange keys. Pick up purse, coffee, lunch. Get in car. No pick up treats. FUCK. No pick up treats!?!?" Yep. I managed to make it 14 miles with a glass pan of rice crispie treats on my trunk. They weren't even fully on the trunk. They were hanging off like a good three inches. And not even a full mile from my office they fall off. How did I do this? How did no other drivers bring it to my attention? Why did they have to fall?

This is sinful since it is a blatant abuse of dessert. My coworkers were horrified by the story. More so because they all apparently love rice crispie treats. To rub it in: on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, there on the side of the ramp next to some broken glass was a sheet of rice crispie treats with only one treat missing. It was there to taunt me. This morning, it was finally gone. Hopefully to some nice squirrel or wild animal family with tough feet. And I have to go to Bed Bath and Beyond and buy a new Pyrex dish. Awesome.

Trivia Thursday. blah

I know I suck. The man keeps trying to bring me down. I have been crazy busy at work, staying late, etc. And when I am at home, I am playing Guitar Hero III. Ridiculously addictive. I lurve it. I did not want to miss out on Trivia Thursday though. So here you go. These United States of America. I guess with Election Day coming, I was inspired. I think that since schools are off, I should have off from work, but my employer does not seem to think so.

It is once again Trivia Thursday. I will post a new set of trivia questions every Thursday. The rules are simple. Please put your answers in the comments section of the post and I will reveal the answers tomorrow. No Cheating! I trust that all of you will all use the honor system? That means you will not use Google, (or any other internet searches) or mooch off other peoples answers. Cheating is BAD. If your employer has somehow made it impossible for you to post comments (bastards), you may also email me your answers to me at MCnMarty@hotmail.com.

Good luck.

1. Mount Rushmore is located in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Which of the following faces is not pictured on the rocky cliff?
a. George Washington
b. Abraham Lincoln
c. Franklin Delano Roosevelt
d. Thomas Jefferson
e. All of the above are featured on Mount Rushmore.

2. The Gateway Arch is located in St. Louis, Missouri and is also called "the Gateway to the _______."
a. North
b. South
c. East
d. West

3. Each Memorial Day weekend, one of the country's most popular sporting events is held. What is this event?
a. The Super Bowl
b. The Kentucky Derby
c. The Indianapolis 500
d. The Stanley Cup

4. Located on the border between the United States of America and Canada, Niagara Falls consists of three separate falls. Which of the following is not part of Niagara Falls?
a. American Falls
b. Maid of the Mist Falls
c. Bridal Veil Falls
d. Canadian Horseshoe Falls

5. A bucking horse and rider is the state symbol for which state?
a. Montana
b. Oklahoma
c. Texas
d. Wyoming

6. Considered one of the natural wonders of the world, this is the site of a national park that was founded in 1919 and encompasses 1,218,375 acres. What is the name of this national park?
a. Grand Canyon National Park
b. Yellowstone National Park
c. Great Smoky Mountains National Park
d. Big Bend National Park

7. Which of the following cities is the oldest in the United States of America?
a. Albany, New York
b. St. Augustine, Florida
c. Santa Fe, New Mexico
d. Quincy, Massachusetts

8. In what state does the famed Punxsutawney Phil reside?
a. Pennsylvania
b. New York
c. Virginia
d. West Virginia

9. The lowest point in the United States is which of the following?
a. New Orleans, Louisiana
b. Death Valley, California
c. The Everglades, Florida
d. Jones Point on the Potomac River

10. In the 48 contiguous United States, which of the following is the highest point?
a. Mount Whitney
b. Mount Rainier
c. Mount McKinley
d. Pikes Peak

11. Alaska's biggest park is Wood-Tikchik State Park.
a. True
b. False

12. This state became the 50th state on August 21, 1959.
a. Alaska
b. Texas
c. California
d. Hawaii
e. Rhode Island

13. This state has the greatest population.

14. The capital of Nevada is Las Vegas.
a. True
b. False

15. This state is known for having one of the most diverse landscapes in the United States including deserts, prairies, semiarid scrublands, tall and dense forests, coastline, and glaciated Cascade volcanoes.
a. Utah
b. Oregon
c. Indiana
d. Delaware
e. Conneticut

16. Named after the first President of the United States of America, this is the only state named after a president.

17. Britton Hill is the lowest highpoint of any state, and the highest point in Florida.
a. True
b. False

18. Yellowstone National Park is mostly in ______, but extends into Montana and Idaho.
a. Minnesota
b. North Dakota
c. Colorado
d. Maine
e. Wyoming

19. Ninety percent of this state's land is forested.
a. New York
b. Maine
c. California
d. North Dakota

20. Which of the following states borders Iowa?
a. Wyoming
b. Montana
c. Maine
d. llinois