Smokers are Jokers

Tomorrow will mark the completion of eleven weeks of no smoking. Not bad, right? I will admit that I smoked three cigarettes, but that ain't so bad considering I used to smoke a hell of a lot more. That is three cigarettes in 77 days. So for those of you who say "smoking three cigarettes is not quitting" I say F off. Those three cigarettes may have saved lives.

Here are my findings to date.

I still want to smoke, but not all the time. Most of the time I don't even think about it. I don't even think it is the nicotine. It is usually only when I have my little episodes of rage. I am thinking this is because when something would go wrong in my smoking days, I would grab a cigarette and go outside. There, I would calm down and think about the situation while I smoked. When I came back inside, I would not be angry at all. I would be cool, calm MC. I miss her. So I am going to try to just take some deep breaths and count to ten or maybe 100. Yeah. I think 100 would be better. And deep yoga like breaths. It will be like smoking without the smoke. I am brilliant.

I feel like I am rich. I cannot believe how little money I spend. Cigarettes are really expensive. It's almost $6 a pack to smoke now. When I would stop at Wawa to buy cigarettes, I would pick up a few other things. So suddenly I would be spending $10 to $15 a stop. Just two weeks ago, I realized on a Thursday that I had no cash on me and that I had had no cash at all that week. I hadn't used any credit or mac either. Four days without spending a dime? That is not like me. I should probably buy more things for myself now with all this extra money.

I have a keener sense of smell. This sounds like a good thing, but it has kinda backfired on me. For about a week straight, I would occasionally have a really bad smell in my office. It would just come and go. I would search frantically through the drawers of my desk, search the garbage, sniff my armpits and shoes, look behind every standing piece of furniture. Nothing. No obvious source of the stench. Finally, I caught on that the sound of a toilet flushing would shortly follow the onset of the order. Yep. The men's room is right on the other side of my wall. And do men have no shame? Stuff like that doesn't happen in the ladies' room. It's really offensive.

I used to read like crazy. I love books. Turns out I really loved to sit on my porch, read a book and smoke cigarettes. So I haven't been reading so much because it makes me want to smoke. I am going to try to find something else to fool myself with (besides food...) while I'm reading, but haven't figured it out yet. I'm sure it will be brilliant when I do.

When I first went for the counseling, the chick told me that the whole "quit smoking, gain weight" thing was a myth. According to her, 1/3 of people gain weight, 1/3 lose weight and 1/3 remain at the same weight. Guess which third I fall into? Hello fatty! It sucks. Food tastes so freakin' delicious though.

Breathing is really easy.

I suddenly am paranoid about my breath. This never happened when I smoked. So I may not develop lung cancer, but I'm convinced that I have halitosis.

I am no longer a social outcast. Smokers know what I mean.

I have turned into a hermit. Well kind of. I am finally getting over my grumpiness and am returning to a semi-normal person. I have avoided talking to people on the phone sometimes because I'm afraid I won't be able to be nice. Even other people's niceness was pissing me off there for a while. My own husband would tell me he loves me and I would want to kick him in the balls. So I've got to get back into the loop.

I feel really proud of myself. It's f'ing hard, but I've been good. Very satisfying.